This is number 1 of the Self-Kindness Series

The Inner Mean Girl and how you can shush her

(All links from Giphy)

You know the story. You get a compliment, and IMMEDIATELY you think of a rebuttal.
“My eyes look tired”
“I have a long way to go still”
“But I’m not doing …XXX…!”

STOP THAT RIGHT NOW.

Stop coming up with an argument to a compliment. What you’re doing is essentially invalidating yourself. Your inner mean girl is piping up, HARD.

Your inner mean girl is every mean comment you’ve heard. Said IMG is not gendered. It can be a bloody raccoon for all intents and purposes. Essentially, its that horrid, nasty little voice in your head that instead of looking out for you (that’s your Survival Bear Grylls Git) it’s ready to tear you down and put you in your preconceived place. Because, deep down, you don’t feel worthy of said compliments.

YOU ARE. I can tell you that right now. But you have to tell yourself peeps.

I can shout it from the rooftops like a psychopath who gets shoes thrown at them at 3am for shouting things from rooftops, but unless YOU start to say it, it’s going to do fuck all for you.
But how do we stop that IMG from getting to us?! I hear you cry. It’s all about visualisation on this one.
It can sometimes be difficult because before you shush that mouth of hers, you will need to picture her in all her bitchy glory. 

HOW?!

So do this with me now…
Close your eyes, and breathe deeply a few times. Relax your shoulders, unclench your jaw, and let your tongue relax from the roof of your mouth. If it’s appropriate to do so, unclench your bumcheeks. Let your stomach relax. Just breathe for a moment.

Now, in your mind’s eye, picture your Inner Mean Girl. (Or inner devil/monster/raccoon. Whatever’s appropes.)
What do they look like?
What features do they have?
Feel what energy are they giving off. Is it negative or neutral?
If they wear clothes, what are they wearing?
What do they sound like when they talk? Are they high or low pitched? Fast-talking or slow?
Are they directly talking to you, or talking away from you?
Where are they positioned? Close or far away?

Do This

Now you have all of these details, hone in on each of them.

• Alter their appearance. Make them look ridiculous! Stretch their forehead out, perhaps make them have elephant ears, plump their lips to the point of them being unable to talk? Or could you shrink their features like one of the crazy photo filters?
• Can you move their position, so the negative vibes they’re throwing your way will seem ridiculous – like shrinking them down and putting them on the floor? Or maybe on the roof?
• Try changing their clothes. Put them in something you can’t help but laugh at, or that makes them look silly.
• Change the pitch of their voice. If they have a low voice, make them squeaky like a mouse. If they have a high voice, make them grumble like a bass. Speed up their speech or slow them right down until its unintelligible. 
• Replace their voice to a character you know well, and will make them look insane and not credible. Perhaps Mickey Mouse, Sylvester Stallone or even Spongebob! (My personal favourite for those who remember him is Bobcat Goldthwaite of Police Academy fame!)

The aim (if you hadn’t already guessed) is to make them as ludicrous as possible. So their voice is no longer penetrating your brain with its idiocy. 

Review

After you’ve done the above, how does it feel now when your Inner Mean Girl pipes up?
Better?
The same?
Worse?

If it’s not any better, consider visualising yourself speaking over them.
YES BE RUDE TO THEM!
Sing your favourite song over them. Imagine there’s a marching band that’s drowning them out.
Try experimenting with different songs, things that inspire you, things that motivate you, things that you associate with good times! 

Still not quite there?

If they’re that Devil-on-your-shoulder type, FLICK THEM OFF IT.
Get a baseball bat and take a swing for a home run. Watch them fly over the neighbourhood and far, far away.
Put them in the tv, and SWITCH IT OFF.
Flush them down the toilet! 

Anything to make YOU have the power and not them. You are in control here!

Finally

Condense their sentences into smaller and smaller ones, until they’re using 3-5 words. Completely improper sentences. Make them seem stupid. The last bastion of overcoming your Inner Mean Girl is to make them seem like they don’t know what they’re talking about. Make them look as ignorant as fuck. The lack of authority over you will be the last possible thing they could have over you. 

Use all of the above in combination, if using them one by one isn’t helping. 

You have the power to shut that bitch up, so do so!

If you’re still really struggling with your IMG, why not Contact Me or Work With Me?